Now That They've Fled . . .
by moxie1
Summary: After the Wayside Inn escape.
1. Default Chapter

  
  
  
Now That They've Fled . . .  
  
  
Frasier's Apartment. The front door.  
  
[A key turns the lock, and NILES enters, followed by DAPHNE.   
They are both still in their wedding clothes, but DAPHNE has removed   
her veil and let her hair down. NILES lets out a sigh of relief and   
leans against the door.]  
  
NILES: Oh, thank God we made it! I don't know how people drive   
those tanks!  
  
DAPHNE: You did fine, Niles. Well, if you don't count those trees   
you clipped back there. And the near miss with the lamppost . . .  
  
NILES: Thank you for grabbing the wheel . . .  
  
DAPHNE: It's all right, we got here in one piece. Now, I have got   
to get out of this dress! I'm so glad I didn't move my things out before.  
  
NILES: Wait, Daphne . . .come here, please. [She slides into his arms]   
Let me look at you. God, you look beautiful in that! But, then, you look beautiful in everything. [They kiss tenderly]  
  
DAPHNE:[Pulling back] Oh, Niles, I'm sorry but this bloody thing ITCHES!  
  
NILES: [Releasing her] Oh, then, by all means, go and change.   
I'll pour us some wine.  
  
[DAPHNE gathers up her skirt and hurries into her bedroom. NILES lets   
out a trembly sigh. He then goes to the kitchen. He takes   
a bottle of white wine out of the refrigerator, inspects the label,   
uncorks the wine, gathers glasses, and carries these into the   
living room. He is setting them on the coffee table when DAPHNE   
enters from her room. She is in a sleek casual dress, with the back  
zipper open.]  
  
DAPHNE: OK, Cyrano, my zip needs doing. But, watch your tie, we don't   
have anyone here to get us out of it this time. [She smiles teasingly]  
  
NILES:[Zipping expertly] Done! [Coy] But, I wouldn't have minded if   
you'd had to step out of it . . . of course, I wouldn't have minded   
the last time, either . . .   
  
DAPHNE:[She giggles and playfully smacks his shoulder. They then embrace   
and kiss again, a bit longer and deeper. She breaks it gently]   
You know, it seems it might be time for us to have a chat. God knows   
I didn't dare speak to you much in the camper, with both our lives   
at stake! I . . . would imagine that we both have, well, . . .   
a few questions for each other.  
  
NILES:[Looking at her lovingly] I know I do. [Takes her hands, pulls   
her down to the sofa. He then pours each a glass of wine and   
hands her one. They clink glasses and take a sip]  
  
DAPHNE: You seem to need to go first.  
  
NILES: OK. [Deep breath] Maybe obvious, but . . what made you change   
your mind? After you left me last night?  
  
DAPHNE: [Sliding back on the sofa cushion, looking slightly more relaxed]   
Well . . . after I went inside, I was, needless to say, completely   
confused. My leaping to kiss you took me as much by surprise as it   
did you. But, more than confused, I was totally exhausted. I knew   
I had to think about all this, but my mind simply shut down.   
I just needed to sleep. That was not about to happen naturally,   
though, as tense as I was. I went back to the hotel room, and was,   
oh, so relieved to see that Donny was already asleep. [A bit embarrassed]  
I poured a rather large glass of brandy from the mini bar and drank   
it down like . . [Smiling at him] Orangina! [He smiles] My final thought   
before I, well, passed out, was [Starting to snicker] thank God this   
room has twin beds! [NILES looks startled and puts his hand   
over his mouth]  
This morning I got up early, gratefully not at all affected by my nightcap. I told Donny that I needed to take a long bath, and he said   
he would keep the hordes at bay. That's where I thought all this through.   
By this time, I knew one thing for sure: I did not want to go through   
with this wedding. Of course, the pangs of guilt started to creep in,   
and . . . I suddenly got really angry! I thought, to hell with the   
bloody lot of them! [NILES looks quite startled] All my life   
I've done everything that other people wanted. My brothers, parents,   
your father and brother. I never minded it before, but now, damn it,   
it was time to do what I wanted, especially since it was something   
so important. And what you said about regretting not . . .   
taking a chance came back to me, and, well, that settled it.   
I had to let us take that chance. I was not going to marry Donny,   
today or any day.  
  
NILES: Then why did you . . .put on the dress?  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, I can think "to hell with them", but I could never say it.   
I had to go along with everything until I could figure a way out.   
I knew if I told everyone, they'd try and talk me out of it,   
telling me it was jitters, not to be silly, all that. I had to find  
a way out. [Jokingly] Like asking your brother to object during   
the ceremony or something.[NILES smiles.] Then I thought   
that if I could find you, we might just be able to get out of there.  
[Composing breath]  
So. Everyone was very busy and I suddenly found myself alone.   
I went looking for you. I left the garden and went through a grove  
of trees toward the parking lot, and saw . . .  
your father and brother coming out of the Winnebago with a tray   
of wine glasses. Then I saw you in the driver's seat, and from your   
expression I guessed you wouldn't be unhappy to see me. I waited to make   
sure they were gone, and . . . then I knocked.  
  
NILES: [Leaning back and pulling her to him. She rests her head on   
his shoulder] And I am SO glad you did. [Pause]  
  
DAPHNE: OK, my turn. [Head up, looks at him, deep breath] Have you   
really been in love with me for six years?  
  
NILES: Well, not exactly in . . .wait a minute. Who told you that?   
In fact, who told you about my feelings anyway?  
  
DAPHNE: [Smug smile] I'm going to save that one for later. Besides,   
it's still my turn.  
  
NILES: [Small smile] Oh, all right, but I'll get you to tell me.  
[Composing his thoughts] Here goes.   
Daphne, when I first met you, I thought you were the most amazing   
breath of fresh air. You were so calm, and seemed so comfortable   
with yourself and everyone around you. And, yes, it was a physical   
attraction, I mean, what else is there when you just meet someone.   
And, I was still very married. I really thought I loved Maris.   
Maybe I did, it's hard to tell now. But, I was drawn to you,   
acted stupidly much of the time. Frasier was always sniping at me to   
control myself. You never seemed to notice, and when I would snap   
out of it, I'd be grateful for that. It wasn't until my marriage   
fell apart that I began to have deeper feelings for you. By then we'd   
become friends, spending time together, sharing the life of my brother's   
household. It kept growing, and, well, . . . now here I am.   
Hopelessly in love. [By now she is sitting forward, looking at him   
with similar emotion]  
  
DAPHNE: Niles. I asked you this last night, and didn't understand   
your answer. There was a lot of time when we were both unattached.   
Why didn't you ever talk to me about it?  
  
NILES: [Now slightly nervous] Oh, Daphne, there were . . .  
so many reasons. [Gets up and paces] Much of the time I just lacked the confidence. I've never been much good with women, never at ease   
with playing the suitor. I tried to tell you a few times,   
but something always stopped me. Most of the time, I felt that having   
you reject me would have been worse than not knowing . . .   
[Stops, looks at her]   
And you did make the comment once that you wouldn't want a man who   
was in the middle of a divorce. But I was sure that I would get my   
courage up once my divorce became final. But . . . by then . . .  
  
DAPHNE: [Gets up, crosses to him, takes his hands] Oh, dear.  
Now I see. Oh, I'm so sorry.  
  
NILES: [Stroking her arm] None of it was your fault.   
You have no reason to be sorry. [Small smile] You do know,   
don't you, that you're Phyllis?  
  
DAPHNE: Phyllis? Oh, the woman you said you were so in love . . .  
oh, Niles! When you were telling your brother in the kitchen you   
were completely in love with someone. . . you were talking about . . .  
  
NILES: You, of course.  
  
DAPHNE: [Blushing] Wow. [Smiles. They cross to the couch and sit]   
Well, I did wind up your dinner date that evening . . .  
  
NILES: A most charming one.  
  
DAPHNE: [Blushing] Thank you. [More composed] Well, here we are.   
The question now is, where do we go from here?  
  
NILES: Well, I guess we just take one step at . . .  
  
DAPHNE: No. I mean, yes, that too, but . . . we can't stay here.   
[Gestures that she means Frasier's apartment] They'll be back   
at some point soon . . . we need a plan.  
  
NILES: Oh, yes. Well, [Taking her hands] I was thinking about that  
during the drive back. You remember my lakefront cottage.   
I was thinking it might be good for us to spend some time alone   
together, before we have to face everyone, and, it's so peaceful   
and isolated there and, well . . .we could go up there for a   
couple of days. That is, if you think you're ready to . . .  
um . . .well, I mean, we don't have to . . .  
  
DAPHNE: You mean sleep together? [NILES blushes. DAPHNE teases.]   
Well, let's consider that possibility. Am I ready? Let's see . . .  
First, we have been friends for some time now. Know each   
other quite well, I expect. Second . . . I just left a groom at the   
altar to be with you, that's no big thing, and . . .  
[He is now feeling like the butt of a joke] oh, dear, what am I   
forgetting? Uummm. OH, yes. We seem to be quite in love with each other.   
[They both get up] Maybe a psychiatrist like you would know.   
Is that ready enough? [She puts her arms around him]  
  
NILES:[They kiss, then break] Wench! OK, I'll call my caretaker   
to open the place up and deliver some groceries. Why don't you go   
pack some clothes and meet me back here. I'll leave Dad and Frasier   
a note, so they won't worry. Oh, and we'll have to take your car . .   
  
DAPHNE: And I'll drive. [Starts toward her room, then turns. Asking very innocently] Oh, wait, Niles, . . .I'll need clothes?   
  
[NILES throws a couch pillow at her as he takes out his cell phone.   
She exits toward her room, laughing]  
  
END SCENE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Scene of the Crime

  
  
SCENE OF THE CRIME  
  
  
  
The Wayside Inn. Garden wedding setup.   
  
[Wedding guests are mingling around, sipping champagne and chatting.   
FRASIER is standing near a flower-bedecked archway, looking worried.   
MARTIN enters.]  
  
MARTIN: Hey, Frash, what's the holdup, do you know? These people are   
getting antsy.  
  
FRASIER: Well, Dad, it seems that no one can find Daphne. I saw her   
here maybe 45 minutes ago, wished her well. She looked quite nervous.   
Her mother has gone looking for her. So the ceremony is delayed yet   
further.  
  
MARTIN: Well, I just went to try to talk to Niles again, but it seems   
someone has moved the Winnebago. I can't imagine him driving that   
thing . . .  
  
FRASIER: Moved the . . .[beat] OH MY GOD!   
  
MARTIN: Oh, Jeez!  
  
FRASIER: Could it be that . . .?  
  
ROZ: [Enters, wearing a hideous bridesmaid's dress] Brilliant, Sherlock!   
Yes, they're gone, yes, they're together. Daphne cornered me about a   
half hour ago. She said that she couldn't go through with the wedding,   
couldn't marry Donny. She said that she knew now that she loved Niles.   
She was going to try to find him, and ask him to get her out of here.  
She swore me to secrecy until they had made the slip. They must be   
long gone by now . . .  
  
FRASIER: I'm going to kill him, how could he . . .?!  
  
MARTIN: Frasier, put a sock in it! [FRASIER and ROZ look startled]   
You were the one who told him to go for it.  
  
FRASIER: Yes, but I was hoping he would get her to call off the wedding,   
explain all of this to . . .  
  
MARTIN: Look, he probably thought this was his best shot. What would   
you say if the woman of your dreams, who you thought you'd lost forever,   
suddenly came to you and asked you to take her away from all this?   
[FRASIER nods] Well, we have to deal with the situation here.   
Someone has to break it to Donny and . . .  
  
ALL THREE:MEL!  
  
ROZ: Well, I could talk to Donny. I know him better then you guys do,   
and, . . .well, it might be easier to coming from a woman.  
  
FRASIER: Well, yes, that seems like the best plan, Roz. Remember,   
he should know that this wasn't just an impulsive thing, that it's   
been building for . . .  
  
ROZ: Oh, can it, Frasier. I've been a witness here too the last   
seven years. I don't know all of it, but it'll go OK.  
  
FRASIER: Right, sorry, Roz. Thank you, you'll do fine.  
  
[She leaves to go find DONNY]  
  
MARTIN: Well, I guess I can be the one to talk to Mel.  
  
FRASIER: Dad, are you sure?  
  
MARTIN: I'm less involved in all this than you are, and besides . . .  
I don't think even SHE would attack an old man with a cane!  
  
[Pats FRASIER on the shoulder and leaves]  
  
FRASIER: [Smiling]Thanks, Dad. [Under his breath] Don't be too sure!   
[Looking around] Well, I guess the rest of them are mine.   
[Announcement voice] Everyone, excuse me, may I have your attention   
for a moment? [Guests quiet down and pay attention] I have just been   
informed that there will be a change in the plans, and, uh . . .  
it seems that the wedding you were about to witness here . . .  
has been . . . called off. I apologize for the inconvenience you   
may have experienced, but we would like to invite you all to stay   
and enjoy the dinner and liquid refreshments, make it the party it   
was intended to be. Well, minus the bride and groom, of course!   
[Nervous chuckle]  
Carry on!  
  
MRS. MOON:[With SIMON, walking up to FRASIER] Dr. Crane, what's   
going on? Where's my daughter? You say she's not getting married?  
  
FRASIER: Oh, Mrs. Moon, I'm sure Daphne is just fine. You see, . . .  
it seems that she has had a change of heart, and she has left   
the premises with . . .well, with my brother, Niles.  
  
SIMON: Oh, yeah, Mum. He's the bloke who's baby she's having!  
  
FRASIER: Oh, dear God, Simon, for the last time. [Shouting] Daphne   
is not pregnant!! [Guests around them turn and look] Mrs. Moon,   
my brother has loved your daughter for a long time now, but never   
had the courage to tell her. He got up the nerve last night and,   
well . . .it seems she feels the same way.  
  
MRS. MOON: Oh, what a relief! She went for the little cute one!   
[Off FRASIER's look] Well, you didn't think I was enchanted with   
that Donny fellow! Your brother will be good to her?  
  
FRASIER: I can assure you, he will treat her like royalty.  
  
MRS. MOON: Well, if that's true, he'll be taking lots of pictures   
of her from behind walls! [SIMON guffaws. FRASIER looks confused,   
then gets it and feigns a laugh] We might as well go and enjoy   
the party. Oh! Dibs on that bottle of champagne!   
  
[They depart and FRASIER is left alone. Picks up a glass of  
champagne from a passing waiter, lifts it in a toast and smiles]  
  
FRASIER: Way to go, Niles. My best to you both.  
  
END SCENE  
  
  
  



	3. The Morning After the Night Before

  
  
THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE  
  
  
  
Bedroom at Niles' Lakeside Cottage.  
  
[Opening shot is a bedside table. There are 2 champagne flutes   
and an empty champagne bottle on the table. Pan over to NILES face   
on his pillow. He flutters his eyelids awake. Looks around, then looks   
over to where DAPHNE is asleep next to him. He looks upward in a   
"thank you" gesture, then leans over and kisses her tenderly.   
She wakes up.]  
  
NILES: Good morning.  
  
DAPHNE: Ah. And good morning to you. [She pulls closer and initiates   
a longer kiss, then rests her head on his shoulder and slides her   
arm across his chest] I had a marvelous time last night.  
  
NILES: Yeah, I kind of got that impression. [Running his fingers   
through her hair] As did I.  
  
DAPHNE: Just what time is it, anyway?  
  
NILES: [Looking at the bedside clock] Ten.  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, I never sleep this late. [Stretching] This is so luxurious.   
  
NILES: We didn't exactly go to sleep early, if you remember . . .  
  
DAPHNE: Mmmm. . .you know, if I'd had any notion it would be like that,  
I'd have jumped your bones long ago.  
  
NILES: As I recall, you almost did, once.  
  
DAPHNE:[Sitting up a bit, looks at him startled] Oh, God, I'd quite   
forgotten about that. My fight with Sherry. Oh, I was shameless . . .  
  
NILES: Oh, come on, you can't be embarrassed about that now!   
Not after last night.  
  
DAPHNE: [Smiling] Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess it's a good   
thing that we didn't follow through with that then, though.   
It would have been purely physical, on my part, at least . . .  
[Smiling sexily, looking intently at him] Then, again, perhaps it   
wouldn't have.  
  
NILES: Well, we're here now. And no medication can ever again come   
between us.  
  
DAPHNE: [Laughing] Yes. Oh, Niles, it's so nice to be . . in love   
with such a good friend.  
  
NILES: Ummmm. [Gently kisses her again]  
  
DAPHNE: [Coy smile] Niles, this is kind of an awkward question, but   
I am so curious. Back when you were, well, admiring of me, . . .  
did you ever have a certain . . .physical reaction to cope with?  
  
NILES:[Startled, then amused at the memory] Oh, Daphne, all the time.   
It drove me crazy. I know Frasier could tell, but I did everything   
I could to hide it from you. [Laughing]   
Do you remember the time when Frasier was having that fling that  
was purely physical, and he was bothered by it, and we were all   
trying to tell him it was OK? And you told that story about you and   
a man on a rooftop? It involved sunbathing and a skylight . . .  
  
DAPHNE: [Snickering] Oh, God, it's coming back. I was quite graphic,   
if I recall.  
  
NILES: Do you remember what I did when you'd finished the story?  
  
DAPHNE: [Now laughing hard enough to make talking difficult]   
You just . . . got up . . .and walked out of the apartment.   
Oh, now I understand. We were all stunned, but I was probably   
the only one who didn't get it.  
  
NILES: I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything but get out of there.   
And I had to walk verrry carefully.  
  
DAPHNE: [Still laughing] Oh, Niles, I am so sorry.  
  
NILES: No, Darling, I was the was the one who was so repressed.   
You were just being you, someone who is so, well, comfortable with   
herself. You could tell a raunchy story to a group of friends  
with such ease. It's one of the things . . . the many things that   
make you so endearing. These memories are fun, now that things have   
turned out this way.  
  
DAPHNE: They are. Look, I don't mean to belabor this, but bear with me.   
Did that particular . . . reaction . . . continue to be a problem . . .  
throughout?  
  
NILES: [Amused] You're a bit fixated on this line of questioning,   
aren't you?  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, bloody psychiatrists . . .  
  
NILES: Oh, come on, I'm teasing. But I do have a serious answer.   
[She stops and pays attention] Over time, that reaction you speak   
of ceased. And when I realized it had, it hit me. I no longer thought   
of you as just a sexually desirable woman. It was then that I knew that  
I loved you, as a woman and as a person.  
  
DAPHNE: That's the most touching thing I've ever heard. Although   
I am glad it didn't cease altogether! [She looks into his eyes.  
He returns the look] Hungry.  
  
NILES: What?  
  
DAPHNE I'm hungry. [Putting on her bathrobe, tying the sash, and   
getting out of her side of the bed] I'm suddenly famished! What do   
you say to some breakfast?   
  
NILES: [Putting on his and also getting up] You know, so am I.  
  
DAPHNE: [Walking around the bed to him. Coy] So, perhaps you'd like   
some . . . Eggs Benedict?  
  
NILES:[Stunned] My God! Who told you . . . wait a minute.   
[A bit panicky] How much of that story do you know?  
  
DAPHNE: [Enjoying the upper hand] Well, I think, all of it.  
  
NILES: No!   
  
DAPHNE: [Now really teasing] As I think back, my psychic headache   
was especially brutal that night.  
  
NILES:[Pulling her toward him] You are just terrible. How did you   
hear this? And, God, how much else have you heard over the years?  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, well, your brother tells Roz, and she tells me, or else   
I hear him talking to your dad. I don't think they realized I even   
listened, they just talk and talk. It's OK, all of your secrets   
have been safe with me.  
  
NILES: Well, I guess by now on you know all the family secrets.   
And if we keep up these strolls down memory lane, I may actually become comfortable with the feeling of embarrassment. [She laughs. He pulls   
her into a hug with her head resting on his shoulder] Daphne, I   
love you more than even I could have thought was possible.   
Please say that, as difficult as it will be to sort all this out  
with everyone . . . say that you will tough it out. Stick with me.  
  
DAPHNE: I love you just as much, and I will, I promise. We will work  
all this out. [Another deep kiss] OK, enough mush! Food and coffee!  
  
NILES: Excellent! We can just do the eggs, without the Benedict.  
  
[She playfully swats the side of his head, he hits her arm. They exit]  
  
END SCENE  
  
  
  



	4. Homecoming

  
HOMECOMING  
  
  
Frasier's Apartment.  
  
[FRASIER is sitting on the couch, reading a book. EDDIE is on the   
other end, sleeping on his back. FRASIER glances over at him]  
  
FRASIER: I do hope I'm not keeping you up.  
  
[MARTIN enters from the upper hallway, looking concerned]  
  
MARTIN: Jeez, Frash, Niles and Daphne have been gone for 4 days now.   
You don't suppose something's happened to them, do you?  
  
FRASIER: Oh, now, Dad, they left us that note, said they'd be away   
for a while. They left the Winnebago in the garage and took   
Daphne's car. We don't have to worry about Niles driving in   
circumstances beyond his control. I'm sure they're just getting to   
. . .[Sly smile] know each other better.  
  
MARTIN: I guess. [He sits in his chair] Amazing how all this worked out,  
isn't it? I used to feel sorry for poor Niles, watching him around her.   
  
FRASIER: Yes, well, I'm sure by now he has now had ample opportunity   
to smell her hair.   
  
[MARTIN laughs]  
  
[Doorbell. EDDIE jumps up and barks]  
  
FRASIER: [Getting up] You know, the hardest part of all this has   
been getting used to answering my own door!   
[Opening it. NILES and DAPHNE timidly step in, smiling but looking   
a bit sheepish] Well. I see the lovebirds have . . . touched down.  
  
NILES: Hey, Frasier.  
  
DAPHNE: Hello, Dr. Crane.  
  
FRASIER: Now, Daphne. You have stolen my brother's heart, and my   
father's Winnebago. I think that should put us on a first name basis,   
don't you? [He holds out his arms to her, she goes to him and they hug.  
NILES is beaming]  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, thank you Dr. . . .Frasier. [FRASIER hugs NILES as well.   
MARTIN has gotten up and walked over to them, and hugs them both]   
  
MARTIN: I'm glad to have you guys back. And, while it could have   
been done in a less crazy way, it's great to see you together.  
  
FRASIER: Now, you two, come in, sit down. [Ushers them to the couch,  
where they sit closely together. FRASIER sits on the arm of the chair.  
MARTIN heads toward the kitchen.]  
  
FRASIER: So, where have you been staying?  
  
NILES: My lakefront cottage. We needed the time alone, and it was   
the perfect spot. Frasier, I do have to apologize for leaving you   
to deal with the, uh, . . . aftermath back there.  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, me too. Only, once I realized that I wanted to be   
with Niles, I just had to get out of there. I couldn't face anyone.  
My emotions were, well, all over the map.  
  
FRASIER: Well, it was a fairly massive zoo, but we waded through it.   
Oh, Daphne, we rescued your things, they're over there [Gesturing   
toward the dining area] and Niles, your suitcases are in the trunk   
of your car. It's parked in the lot, Dad drove it back.  
  
NILES: Thanks, Frasier.  
  
DAPHNE: [Getting up, walking toward the suitcases] Dr. . . .this is   
hard to get used to. Frasier, I would hope that my job is still here?   
It will take some time for all this to get resolved, and . . .  
  
FRASIER: Oh, well, of course, Daphne. It wasn't our idea that you   
leave us in the first place.  
  
DAPHNE: Thank you. I'll just put my things in my room, then.   
[Picking up her handbag] I'm especially glad to get this back.   
Can't lose track of my green card now. I'll not be long.   
[Gathers up her suitcases and exits toward her room]  
  
FRASIER: [Getting up to pour 3 glasses of sherry. With a bemused smile]   
So, Niles. How are . . .things?  
  
NILES:[Stands, goes to take two glasses from him] Frasier, I have to   
thank you for your revelation after the rehearsal dinner. It's the   
best present you've ever given me.  
  
FRASIER: [Touched] So, it's good with Daphne?  
  
NILES: Good doesn't begin to describe it! She is heaven! She   
doesn't even make me nervous anymore.  
  
FRASIER: I've never seen you look so . . .well, at ease. With yourself,   
with everything.  
  
NILES: I am a happy man. [Mood change] But, of course, the problems   
are just beginning. OK. I hate to ask, but I have to. Did you see Mel   
after we left?  
  
FRASIER: So much for the "at ease" thing . . .  
  
DAPHNE: [Returning and sitting on the couch next to NILES, who   
hands her a glass of sherry] Which one of you was brave enough to   
tell her?  
  
MARTIN:[Entering from the kitchen with a beer] I talked with her.  
  
NILES: Dad, you?  
  
MARTIN [Sitting in his chair] It seemed to call for a cool head.  
  
NILES: [Cringing] And?  
  
MARTIN: Well, I explained about your long time thing for Daphne,   
and how it seemed that she changed her mind about the wedding, and you.   
At first she was pretty quiet, stunned I guess. But the yelling and   
smashing things began pretty quickly after that. I didn't get all   
that she was saying, I was trying to avoid becoming a moving target.   
But I caught something like "if he thinks he's seen the last of me"   
and something else like "cold day in hell". . .  
  
NILES: [Head down in his hands, moans] Oh, God . . .  
  
DAPHNE:[Puts her arm over his shoulder and grasps his arm.   
He grasps her back] Now, Niles, you'd have to expect she'd be upset,   
just married and all . . .  
  
NILES: Oh, why couldn't I just have agreed to live with her?   
I guess I'd better go talk to her tomorrow. Try to reason . . .  
  
FRASIER: Wait, Niles, you know, . . . I feel a degree of responsibility   
here, with the advice I gave you that day. Maybe there's something   
I can do.  
  
DAPHNE: Hire a hit man? [The three men looked shocked]   
  
NILES: Daphne!   
  
DAPHNE: Sorry, bad joke. [Sips her sherry sheepishly]  
  
NILES: No, Frasier, I'm an adult and this is my mess. I'll deal with it.  
  
DAPHNE: Not to further complicate this conversation, but does   
anyone know anything about Donny?  
  
MARTIN: Roz went to talk with him. We didn't see him, or her either,   
as a matter of fact, after that. [Something dawns on them]  
  
DAPHNE: [Arches her eyebrows] You don't suppose . . .  
  
FRASIER: At this point in this little soap opera, anything is possible.   
Look, it's late. Why don't we just discuss all this over dinner.   
My treat. [They all get up and head for the door]  
  
MARTIN: Good idea. Hey, let's go to the Timbermill! [The boys groan.   
Niles looks at Daphne]  
  
NILES: My dear, it appears that we are home. [Gesturing toward her purse]   
Do you happen to have any Tums in there?  
  
DAPHNE:[Patting the bag] New bottle.  
  
FRASIER:[Opening the door, gestures to NILES and DAPHNE]   
Lovebirds first.   
  
[They all exit]  
  
END SCENE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Facing the Music

  
FACING THE MUSIC  
  
  
  
Frasier's Apartment. Morning after night at the end of HOMECOMING  
  
[FRASIER enters from his bedroom, dressed in his bathrobe. Goes to   
the front door, retrieves newspaper. DAPHNE enters from the kitchen   
with a pot of coffee. Seeing him, she picks up a cup from the table   
she has set and hands it to him as he reaches the table]  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane.  
  
FRASIER: Morning, Daphne. Oh, I thought we had dispensed with  
the formality.  
  
DAPHNE: I'm sorry, I don't seem to be able to make the switch.   
I mean, I do still work for you, and . . .  
  
FRASIER: Oh, it's all right. In any case, at least now we will know   
to which one of us you are referring. [Uncomfortably, gesturing   
toward her room] Speaking of which, is Niles, uh, up yet?  
  
DAPHNE: In the shower. [Noticing his unease] Dr. Crane, you did say   
it was all right for us to stay here together. I mean, it's hardly   
the first time I've had a man stay the night.  
  
FRASIER: Oh, of course, Daphne. It's just that I haven't been . . .   
related to the others.  
  
DAPHNE: Well, it won't be a regular thing, for a bit, anyway.   
We realize we'll have to be pretty cautious for a while, with Mel   
holding the legal trump card. She's not going to give up very easily,   
I expect.  
  
[The phone rings as NILES enters, dressed in a suit, fussing with   
a cufflink. He kisses DAPHNE and takes a cup of coffee   
from her while FRASIER answers it. They sit at the table]  
  
FRASIER: Hello? [Pause] Oh, yes, hello, Mel. [Looks at Niles,   
who shakes his head pleadingly] Uh, no, Mel, I haven't seen him yet.   
[Pause, looks uncomfortable. MARTIN enters from his room,   
looks at FRASIER on the phone, rolls his eyes. Sits at the table   
and accepts a cup from DAPHNE] Yes, it has been several days,   
I know . . .[Pause] Listen, I'm sure he'll show up soon, probably today,  
in fact, and . . .[Pause] Yes, I will tell him to call you the   
minute I see him. Yes, Mel. Yes, Mel. [Pause] Yes, Mel. All right.   
Goodbye. [Hangs up] Niles, you have got to talk to her!   
  
MARTIN Yeah, the dragon lady's called here every day since you   
two took off.  
  
NILES: Of course, I know, Dad, Frasier. I'm planning on going down   
to her office shortly. I just couldn't face her first thing in   
the morning. I need coffee before being torn to shreds.  
  
DAPHNE: Now, Niles, are you sure that's what she'll do? You made a   
pretty clear statement, leaving her back there.   
Oh, I'm sure her ego is bruised, she'll need time to think it   
all out and work through it and . . . [Notices the three of them   
looking at her in surprise] what?  
  
FRASIER: Daphne, you're talking in psychobabble.  
  
DAPHNE: I was? [Getting up and heading into the kitchen] Well,   
I guess it rubs off, sooner or later.  
  
NILES:[Looking after her] For all the lovely things she is,   
I'm afraid she's no psychiatrist. I know Mel. She hangs on to her   
possessions, and right now I'm one of them. A big one. A HUSBAND one.   
[Gulping down his coffee] I've got to go do this while I have the nerve. [Getting up and walking toward the front door. DAPHNE comes out   
of the kitchen and follows him] Dad, do you still have that   
bulletproof vest?  
  
MARTIN: From what I've seen she's more of a hurl-things-through-  
the-air type. I'd suggest a hard hat. [NILES makes a scared face]  
  
DAPHNE: [Kissing him on the cheek] You'll be all right. I'll have   
some cold compresses and a stiff drink waiting, just in case.  
  
MARTIN: Good luck, son. [NILES exits. MARTIN shakes his head]   
You boys are a lot of things, but dull isn't one of them.  
  
FRASIER: Were it to be so!  
  
END SCENE  
  
  



	6. Battle Stations

  
BATTLE STATIONS  
  
  
  
Mel's office waiting room. Two receptionists are behind the window.  
  
[NILES enters, looks around cautiously. RECEPTIONIST 1 sees him,   
opens the sliding window]  
  
REC. 1: Hey, hi there, Dr. Crane. We've been taking bets on   
when you'd show up.  
  
NILES:[Nervously] Uh, yes, well, good morning. Is Dr. Karnovsky in?   
Perhaps she's with a patient, I'll just . . .  
  
REC 1: Dr. Crane is in her office. [NILES winces at the name]   
No patients yet. Shall I tell her you're here?  
  
NILES: Yes, I guess so. Uh, please. [She closes the window.   
NILES paces the waiting room, looking around. Now very nervous.   
MEL enters from the office area]  
  
MEL: [Calmly] Niles. I'm glad to see you're all right.  
  
NILES: Hello, Mel.  
  
MEL:Would you like to talk in my office?  
  
NILES: Probably a good idea. [He follows her through the door,   
into her office. There is the usual doctor's office décor, degrees   
on the walls, etc. She closes the door and turns around.  
She is furious]  
  
MEL: Would you mind telling me just what the HELL IS GOING ON?  
  
NILES: [Putting a hand on her arm] Mel, there is a good explanation   
for all of this . . .  
  
MEL:Don't you touch me! [Walking around the room, hand to her   
forehead] EXPLANATION!? For leaving me three days after WE GOT MARRIED?   
With your brother's HOUSEMAID? And at her WEDDING? Your father told   
me that she came to you and asked her to take her away, but, God,   
Niles, you didn't have to DO IT! Do you know how HUMILIATED I was?   
In front of all those people!  
  
NILES: Mel, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just couldn't   
do anything else. Daphne was at the camper door, and she was   
choosing me, and . . .  
  
MEL: CHOOSING you? Niles, if you remember, you married ME!   
And willingly, I might add. You said you loved me. You do love me.   
[She starts to cry]  
  
NILES: Oh, Mel, maybe I did. At least I thought I did. I realize   
you didn't know all that had gone on before we met, but the truth   
is . . . there's no one I've loved for years but Daphne. When I found   
out that she felt the same, there was simply no other choice. We just unfortunately picked the most awkward time to get together.  
  
MEL:[Composing herself. Determined] Niles, you are my husband. I will   
not let you go that easily. You are way too good for her. She is a   
working class servant, not your equal. You are part of Seattle society,   
as am I. No one will accept you if you remain with her.   
You must see that. You need me!  
  
NILES:[Now angry] Mel, if I had known that you were this kind of . .  
of . . . of bigot, I would never have gotten involved with you.   
Thank God I was rescued from what I now see would be a repeat   
of my first marriage. My God, everyone told me you were another Maris!   
I don't know how I could have missed it.  
  
MEL: GET OUT! You'll hear from my attorneys!  
  
NILES: And you will hear from mine! [He exits and slams the door.   
Crashing glass is heard on the other side. He walks confidently past the   
reception window]  
  
REC 1:[Smiling knowingly at him] Everything OK?  
  
NILES: Yes, thank you. Oh, um, you might want to fetch a dustpan   
and broom.  
  
REC 1: Got it. [NILES exits]  
  
END SCENE  
  



	7. Who's Afraid of "You Know Who"

  
WHO'S AFRAID OF "YOU KNOW WHO"?  
  
  
  
Frasier's Apartment. That afternoon.  
  
[FRASIER is sitting on the couch, reading a book. EDDIE is on the   
other end, sleeping on his back. FRASIER glances over at him]  
  
FRASIER: Ah, the life you lead.  
  
[DAPHNE enters from her room, stands in the dining area]  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, Dr. Crane. I just spoke to Donny's secretary. It seems   
he's in court at the moment, but she expects him to be in his office   
later. I hope you don't mind fending for yourselves for dinner,   
but I must go talk to him. I can't imagine what he's been feeling.   
God, I never wanted to hurt anyone . . . [She starts to weep]  
  
FRASIER:[Gets up, goes to her, puts his arms around her] Oh, there,  
there, Daphne, it will be all right. God, what you and Niles are going   
through to be together! [He takes a handkerchief from his pocket and   
hands it to her]  
  
DAPHNE: Thank you. {Laughing a little, wiping her eyes] It's a funny   
thing that all this came about because of your pain medication.  
  
FRASIER:[Smiling] Ah, yes, the dangers of drugs. [Leads her to the couch]  
Come here, sit with me for a moment. We haven't had a chance to talk   
since you got back. [They sit opposite each other] So. You love my   
little brother after all.  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, Dr. Crane, I really do. I know I lied to you about   
it back at the inn, I was fooling myself as well, I guess. I thought   
he was happily married. And Donny was there, ready to marry me. It seemed   
right. And then you. . . again, you. Telling Niles how I felt.  
  
FRASIER: I apologize for breaking your confidence . . .  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, Dr. Crane, how could I possibly be mad about that now?   
But I'm curious. What made you tell him when you did?  
  
FRASIER: Daphne, I had never seen two people look at each other like   
you and Niles did while you were dancing that night. I felt . . .no,   
knew that you both deserved that chance. I was sure that you would  
both be miserable without each other.  
  
DAPHNE: You were right. I do thank you for coming to the rescue.   
Funny, isn't it. Thinking back, when I first met your brother,   
[Laughing] I thought he was a silly, fussy, social climbing,   
pompous ninny!  
  
FRASIER:[Matter of fact] Oh, well, he was.  
  
DAPHNE: [Shocked]Why, Dr. Crane!  
  
FRASIER: No, he was all of that back then, even though his good   
qualities were always there. But he's been through a lot of things   
that have helped him, well, grow up. A messy divorce, a period of   
poverty, and, well . . . you. Always you. Over the years   
I watched as his feelings for you deepened and matured, and I didn't   
recognize it for what it was. I kept trying to stop him from making   
a fool out of himself. So I guess the reason I intervened that night   
was that I saw I had been wrong about . . . all of it. [DAPHNE sighs   
wearily. FRASIER pats her shoulder] Daphne, you will get through this.   
You both deserve each other too much not to.  
  
DAPHNE:I hope you're right.  
  
[Doorbell. DAPHNE gets up to answer it. NILES enters and embraces   
her, groaning. FRASIER gets up and walks toward them]  
  
FRASIER: So, how did it go?  
  
NILES: She wants to kill me! To bleed me dry. But, Frasier, Daphne,   
I tell you, I am an empowered man. I will be free of her and   
[To DAPHNE] able to be with you if it takes all of my strength   
and every cent I have.  
  
FRASIER: Oh, dear. Then it's war, is it, Martha?  
  
NILES:[As DAPHNE helps him to the couch, where he sinks] Total!   
  
[DAPHNE looks confused as she comforts him]  
  
END SCENE  
  
  



	8. Bye Bye Donny

  
BYE BYE DONNY  
  
  
  
Donny's office. Later that afternoon.  
  
[DONNY is sitting at his desk, looking over papers. DAPHNE appears   
in the doorway. Knocks lightly on the doorframe. DONNY looks up]  
  
DAPHNE: Hello.  
  
DONNY:[Seeing her, taking on a sarcastic tone] Well, now. You look   
vaguely familiar. Mmmmnnnn, Daphne, isn't it?  
  
DAPHNE: Donny. May I come in?  
  
DONNY: Sure. Here, sit down. [Ushers her to a chair] So. How are you?  
  
DAPHNE: All right. Donny, I . . .  
  
DONNY: You know, I seem to remember that we had an appointment,   
no, actually, a date with each other last week. It was . . .   
let me think . . .oh, yeah, of course, to get married!  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, God, Donny, I came here to explain . . .  
  
DONNY: OK. Explain. Explain why you ran off with a respected client   
of mine. A man I swore to the court that there was indeed no   
"alienation of affection" in his divorce case.  
  
DAPHNE: Oh, dear . . . Donny, there wasn't then! At least, not   
on my part. This only came about recently . . .  
  
DONNY: Daphne, just tell me, what the HELL HAPPENED?  
  
DAPHNE: Please, just give me a chance! [He softens] Donny,   
I had every intention of marrying you. You are a very dear man and   
I really thought we'd be very happy together. I really did love you.   
[Swallows hard] Only, after we got engaged, I found out that . . .  
Niles was in love with me. And had been for years. I know Roz   
talked to you, she must have told you all this . . .  
  
DONNY: Yes, but she didn't know all the details. She didn't know   
how you came to, well, change your mind. About Niles. And about us.  
  
DAPHNE: [Composing herself] After I learned how he felt, I was very   
confused. It took some deep thought, and real soul-searching.   
I realized that, well, without my being really aware of it . . .   
I felt the same way about him. Donny, this isn't about not caring   
about you. It's about there being something much stronger . . .  
with Niles.  
  
DONNY:[Hesitantly] And . . . it's still there?  
  
DAPHNE: Yes. Very much so. And getting more so by the day. I'm sorry.   
[Lowers her head]  
  
DONNY:[Getting up, crossing to her, leaning on the desk in front of   
her chair] Well. I can't say that the best man won. And I can't say   
there are no hard feelings. [She looks up at him, he looks very somber]   
But I can say that I hope you will be happy.  
  
DAPHNE:[Solemn, getting up] Thank you. You really are a dear man.  
  
DONNY: See you around?  
  
DAPHNE: I hope so. I really do. [She exits. He sits down, opens a file,   
closes it, and sighs]  
  
  
END EPISODE  
  
  



End file.
